Thanksgiving's Eve

It was a cold, clear, crispy day in northern Mexico as the expedition around the ruins of some old rock stadium. J. Potts and Ben were in the middle of a high-spirited, brotherly bout of wrestling. At stake was Mr. Potts' gold railroad watch and the scout's new Texas Instruments Graphic Calculator. It is a friendly contest.

Some of the more manly men of the command watched this fight. Potts got his ass handed to him on a silver platter by Ben, and Dundee seemed very satistified in the result as he chewed on a pretzel rod.

"I think he's going to take you, Jed," Dundee sneered to Potts as Ben got him in a headlock. "Do you know why? Because the Canadian's betting on you. Garfer bet five dollars on you."

Garfer looked upset over this remark, but said nothing.

"Canadian, and a goalie to boot. Did you ever know a Canadian to win a battle or a girl when there were Americans or. . . men about?" Dundee asked.

"What about hockey?" Potts said.

"Hockey's for girls," Dundee sneered.

At this, I.P. Molson grabbed his hockey stick and began moving it to strike Dundee, but Garfer restrained him.

"Who bet against me?" Potts said.

"Me," Dundee replied.

At this, Potts kicked Ben in the testicles. As Ben fell to the ground, gasping for breath, Potts began kicking him in the parts over and over again. After a minute, Potts stopped. He walked over to Dundee and simply remarked: "Ya lost."

At the other corner of the camp, some of the more girly members of the command were holding a karaoke contest. Michelle, who had suggested the contest, went first. Her beautiful, delicate voice (and it was quite beautiful, as even her main competition, Mr. Richards, had to admit) almost carried the day, as she sang a heartfelt rendition of "Strawberry Fields Forever". But, Keith ended up taking the day by singing his own epic anthem:

"Chantilly Lace had a pretty face
and a ponytail hangin' down
A wiggle in her walk and a giggle in her talk
Make the world go 'round
Ain't nothing in the world like a big eyed girl
To make me act so funny, make me spend my money
Make me feel real loose like a long necked goose
Like a--oh baby, that's a-what I like!"

A few other competitors, most notably Bill and Sandra, who tried a duet of "Beyond the Sea", competed, but were booed off the stage in the end. The young female scout and the aged, drug-hazed rocker were the only two serious competitors in this sport of drunken losers.

Despite his like of Michelle and dislike for Richards' drunken antics, the Major didn't give a shit about the karaoke contest. After the wrestling match was concluded, he sat stoically under a tree by himself, chewing his cigarette candy. Then - he heard a strange whistling noise, followed by an even stranger song. It sounded like this:

"Hot blooded, check it and see,
I've got a fever of 103."

As the hard rock song droned on, the lights in the camp were extinguished, the karaoke stopped, and every leapt to attention. Potts, Ben (still trying to recover his breath), and Sgt. Cullen ran out with guns drawn to the source of the sound. They found an old Apache nearby, with a portable CD player. A Hard Rock Cafe CD was playing loudly, but Potts shot it, despite Cullen's protests.

"There's just one, Major," Potts said. "He wants to talk."

The Apache was gibbering loudly in an unintelligible language.

"Is he a Chiracahua?" Dundee asked.

"He surely is," Potts answered, grinning, unaware that the Apache was actually a Mescalero.

"He says he's a good Apache, and for nobody to shoot at him," Potts continued.

"He was with Charriba," Cullen added.

"Why would an old man like that be raiding with Charriba?" Dundee asked.

Translating for the Old Apache, Cullen said: "He says, Why not? It's their land - all of it."

At this, Michelle walked up to the crowd and began conversing with the Apache.

"She's just being reacquainted with an old friend, Major," Potts informed Dundee.

"I knew him when I was with Charriba," Michelle said to Dundee.

"I don't give a hoot in hell if he's your long-last grandpa," Dundee rejoindered. "We're busy here."

Potts looked upset over this, but continued translating. "He'd like some soft food, as his teeth are no longer with us - preferably some Swiss-Miss pudding cups."

"He'll deal with Jell-O," Stubb said, walking up with a big pot of green gelatin, "Or I'll beat his face in."

"Only if it's cherry," Michelle translated for the Apache.

"Do you think cherries are green!?" Stubb asked, on the verge of attacking.

"Why did he quit?" Captain Tim asked.

"Charriba said he's too old to fight any more," Cullen informed him.

Dundee walked up to the Apache, still unsure of his loyalty.

"He says Charriba's camp is across the river," Cullen translated, seemingly in astonishment. "He'll lead us there. They'll be asleep."

Dundee's features remained unchanged.

"Does he expect me to believe that?" Dundee responded. "Let him lead us into an ambush?"

"He says his heart is true, Major," Potts reported, "And he brings proof."

Potts, Ben, Cullen, and Michelle all had looks of astonishment on their faces.

"What kind of proof, Mr. Potts?" Tim inquired.

"The children," Potts said, still in amazement. "He's brought the children."