Back On Track

The expedition finally headed out of Begonia, still very badly hung over. Most of the team forgot what their mission even was by that point, until kindly reminded by their commander.

Sure enough, the expedition found traces of the Froggy Groupement Mobile 100 - that dreaded force now operating in the Central Highlands of Mexico. They found tire tracks, and broken champagne bottles - and it was too far from Tijuana for there to be any champagne around. The expedition braced themselves for a battle.

Finally, Groggy divided his force in two. The first force was a small diversionary force made up of Grenouille, Sergeant Harriman, Plasmotic Snake, Kermit, the Gorches, and Tom, that was meant to divert Froggy attention from the main body. Meanwhile, the main body would move in and steal their equipment. It wasn't a planned move, but it was a calculated risk, one which just occurred to Groggy one moment.

As Grenouille and his men moved South, the main body found Sergeant Kimmel, in the middle of nowhere. Her helicopter was parked, and she was drinking heavily!

"Sergeant!" Groggy shouted. "What the bloody hell are you doing here?"

"Drinking!" came the reply.

Groggy grabbed her bottle of Ancient Age whiskey (Lord knows where she got it) and smashed it on the ground. No wonder they hadn't gotten any advance warning of the French troop movements.

"Interesting lieutenants you keep," Tim remarked wryly.

Meanwhile, Stubb and others were desperately licking at the dirt, trying to suck up what of the whiskey hadn't yet been absorbed into the ground.

At this, Groggy and his men heard the mechanized whirring of an armored division. Without saying a word, Groggy's command scattered into the bush, behind any cover they could find - except Sergeant Kimmel, who remained where she stood, until Groggy grabbed her and pulled her to cover. She burped her thanks.

Groggy and his men watched as lead elements of the French force began moving towards the helicopter, examining it.

"If they take the helicopter, we're done for!" Ashley whispered.

"It hasn't done us much good so far!" Marco Leone said acidly, loading his Henry.

"My outfit could take those boys," Garfer remarked to Bill, "Those ones by the helicopter, anyway - with one hand tied behind our backs."

"How's that, Garfer?" came the incredulous response.

"They're soft, Bill," Garfer assured him, "they ain't never been North."

At this, the French began boarding the helicopter. Impetuously, Dave Jenkins leapt up and started firing, cutting down two Froggies who were already inside the helicopter.

"COME ON 'N' GET IT, YOU BASTARDS!" he shrieked, turning his gun on the other French troops beside the aircraft.

"You stupid piece of shit!" Groggy screamed, but it was too late.

Other elements of the French force began arriving. Now, a full-scale firefight was on. Groggy and his men were at an eighty-to-one disadvantage. They couldn't really hope to hold their ground; their goal was merely to extract themselves.

This they did marvelously, simply rolling (literally) further into the bush. French rifle, grenade, and machine gun fire streamed into the forest after them, but amazingly there was not a single casualty among his force. However, they were covered with bad grass stains, ruining their uniforms.

Groggy and his men rallied and prepared to receive any further French attacks, but the French seemed content to allow their enemy to escape into the woods. Stupid Frogs.

"Well, we've lost another helicopter!" Potts said to his commander.

"If the helicopters were doing us any good," Dundee replied, "I'd give a shit."

"What about Greouille?" Matt (not Mark) the bugler asked. "What if they don't stop? What if they just keep going, smash hell out of him?"

Everyone stared at him mutely until they realized he meant the French by "they".

* * *

Meanwhile, li'l Grenouille and his diversionary force were moving into an encamped position on a large knoll. It was a good defensive position, even for such a small force as they had - and remain on the defensive was their only plan - however, Dave Jenkins' being an idiot ruined Groggy's timetable, and it took two whole days for the French to reach the knoll. They camped on the bottom of the knoll, within view of Grenouille and his men.

* * *

Groggy and his men began moving into to steal the French supplies that night. It went off without a hitch, as his men quietly disarmed and killed the various French sentries. Dave Jenkins proved himself worth keeping alive by personally killing twenty French guards. Reverend Armstrong did his spiel with the shotgun whacking and the "Mighty is the arm of the Lord!"

Finally, the surprise was broken, as a French sentry saw Walker taking a pee behind a French tent. The Frenchman screamed like a girly-man and fired, sending a bullet tearing into Walker's groin. As Walker fell, Matt blew his bugle, and Ben fired a burning arrow into a French tent. Meanwhile, several of Dundee' s men helped carry the wounded Walker out of the camp. The raid had been a success.